2006
10.15

We’re 23 days from the end of the Republican reign in Congress, and with the Foley scandal expanding and the hypocrisy of the “conservative” movement being exposed by the day, it’s time for a Hail Mary.

Karl Rove sends in the play through the headset to quarterback GW, with fullback Dennis Hastert ready to block. It’s a four-wide scheme, sending Bill Frist, Condoleezza Rice, Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld to the end zone for that one final chance to salvage a win. This, my friends, is the not the Hail Mary play though… it’s the Clinton fumbleroosky!

The Republican Party has a common theme which, in recent weeks, has become a desperate attempt to salvage what little they can in the upcoming election: blame former President Bill Clinton. It doesn’t matter whether the issue at hand even existed when Clinton was President… somehow, in an amazing explanation of degrees of separation that rival the six that separate you from Kevin Bacon, Bill Clinton is at fault for everything that is wrong with you, your family, everyone on your street, your city, your state, the nation, and oh yes… the world. Problem is, the electorate won’t be fooled this time.

While North Korea postures, firing off nuclear tests and threatening to do more as long as the Bush Administration threatens action, what do Condi and GW do? They blame Bill. While Foley sits in alcohol rehab and his former chief of staff testifies before the ethics committee, the Republicans blame Bill. While rumors swirl about the alleged relationship Congressman Kolbe from Arizona had with two pages, they blame Bill.

While Iraq falls into chaos, voting to federalize their nation into three separate states that will undoubtedly split and create border wars for generations to come, they blame Bill. While Afghanistan succumbs to the Taliban once again, they blame Bill. While the head of the Army of our greatest ally, the United Kingdom, talks about pulling out of the Middle East, we blame Bill.

My guess is, Bill is also at fault for the flat tire the guy in my parking lot had today, the traffic on the DC Bbeltway, the diarrhea I had last week, El Niño, the snowstorm in Buffalo, and whatever caused Cory Lidle to crash his plane.

You get the point. And the Republican Party will get the point in 23 days: you can’t push off all of your errors. Voters aren’t THAT stupid.

  1. Again, hypocrisy reigns supreme.

    Remember, you are the member of a political party that blames BUSH for everything. The 2005 hurricane season. The oil prices. Children getting murdered in school. 9/11. Christ, one of your people even blamed him for that old guy plowing into that California farmer’s market that resulted in deaths. I swear to God, the guy said, “If George Bush would have money put into programs for the elderly, this man wouldn’t have been driving.”

    The sad thing is, as you said, voters were fooled. And voters will continue to be fooled until they get a 3rd party in to play.

  2. Don’t count your chickens, dude.

  3. President Clinton sucked and so did her husband.

  4. and Monica too! =)