Tim dropped us off this morning at the Amtrak station in Syracuse. It was freezing. And 6:45a.m. And the vacation that I was sooo desperately looking forward to has gone by in ten seconds or less.

And here we are boarding the train and – as if I have super snot sniffing ability or homing beacon – the woman behind me asks me to move and I can’t because I have my dog on my back and she’s like “PUT THE BAG DOWN” she then proceeded to get into it with a couple who ended up sitting across from us- just like one of my customers which made me cringe.

We eventually fell asleep occasionally waking to shift positions. After drinking train coffee and pretzels we arrive in Penn around Noon.

Having spent the last 8 days or so I because accustomed to there not being very many people in around. There not being much of anything around except for a gas station, wise buys and a river…some stuff a few towns over.

And here I am in the midst of Penn station. I used to eat up Penn when I first moved here. I loved the smells and the strangers and the general anonymity of the big apple. I loved the chaos.

But now it doesn’t do the same the thing. the sparkle that used to glimmer is now kind of lack luster and all the people are just this nameless faceless obstacle course keeping me from getting from point A to point B – and this obstacle course also happens to contain a lot of germs.

Off the subway and up our block. Our normal diet of Buffalo wings and won ton soup for lunch and into out apartment we went. Small, generic, dehumanized. Christian had to work so I spent the afternoon fussing with the broken DVD player. I stared out our window into our neighbors’ apartment…

Last night before going to sleep I intentionally propped myself up to stare out of the upstairs window at the sky. The emptiness and the lack of cars and people just made me feel like I needed to spoon it in excess because it’s so rare.

I don’t think I belong in Brooklyn anymore or New York for that matter. It’s been brewing for a really long time now. I kept putting it off to say that it’s the apartment or the roommate or the job…. the fact that I am always two or three trends behind. But this is the first time I am putting it in writing.

I am over New York.

  1. Sometimes you need to leave New York to appreciate it. I know I did when I went to South Carolina for a couple of years.

    Where do you go for Buffalo wings?

  2. I love big cities, so I loved New York. I guess it’s helped living in a big(ish) city and then moving to the middle of no-freaking-where for college — you learn to appreciate lots of people and chaos.