2008
01.03

This last year or so, I have been amazed at the number of totally unqualified rich, high and/or beautiful people who have gotten knocked up.

I suppose that this is actually not that unusual of a thing. After all, while a certain percentage of smart people do have babies from time to time, there doesn’t seem to be any shortage of really dumb people pumping out puppy after puppy.

K-Fed, for example, has spawned four times. Five, if the rumors about Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby’s real daddy are true.

Mike Judge’s Idiocracy was predicated on the idea that the dumb just keep on breeding while the smart choose to have fewer or no children.

I am not saying all parents are dumb. I’m just saying a lot of unqualified people have a lot of kids.

I am of the belief that one of the reasons so many young and creepy people who are famous for nothing other than being vacuous and rich are having children is because it has become the “in” thing.

Look at all the attention lavished on celebrity women who have “baby bumps!” Notice how tabloids (and CNN and FOX) hang on the every prenatal kick! See how Jamie Lynn made a couple thousands in cool cash by selling her pregnancy story to us magazine! Take that Radiohead! Why bother spending all that time self releasing your own album when 3 minutes spent knocking up Paris Hilton and then selling your story to Us Magazine could have made you just as rich?

Especially if all five members of Radiohead had attempted to knock her up.

Anyhow, since being “with child” is now hip, cool and fabulous, and since Brittney Spears has demonstrated that having babies doesn’t necessarily mean you have to start acting like a responsible adult, I predict that we are going to see a wave of hot little cheerleader types reproducing like ocelots in 2008. In fact, count the months, because I predict that the 2008-09 school year is going to begin with a wave of senior girls on maternity leave.

The disappointing thing, of course, is that once Nicole Richie has her baby, for example, she’s going to discover that a whole lot of the attention switches from her to the kid.

It is a terrible thing when a coke addled mom needs to compete for time on EXTRA with her infant.

Though it does mean that she can milk some mileage out of the “how did you get your pre-baby body back” story. Assuming she does.

  1. The best thing for Nicole Richie to ever have was this child. It’s the only thing holding her down when a heavy wind blows!