2005
08.08

Retail Fun

Tax free weekend. I don’t know if it’s a Texas thing or what, but it happens every year right before school starts. Any apparel, shoe, sock, etc under 100 dollars is completely tax free. Rad right? Starting last year, it became the worst fucking 3 days of my life. Let’s explain.

Sales tax in Texas is 8.25% which basically means for every 100 dollars spent, you save about 8 dollars. According to a newspaper I read somewhere, the “average” family spends 500ish dollars per kid on back to school stuff. Explain to me then why the fuck a person would drive from Kansas to Texas JUST TO SAVE LIKE 45 DOLLARS OR LESS! The average cost of gas is $2.29 in the United States and $2.21 in Texas. Texas has the 6th highest STATE SALES TAX in the country for crying out loud. The folks in Minnesota, Mississippi, Nevada, Rhode Island, and Washington feel what I’m saying because we take it up the ass in sales tax everytime we open our wallets. Yeah, it may be good for the “local economy” but it’s bad for me when I can’t find a pair of pants that fit because all of the other fat whores from the surrounding states have already been through the local shopping mall and I end up with something that A) doesn’t fit or B) I don’t like but I needed something to wear anyway so I bought it.

Note to people who want to save a few bucks: GO SHOP IN ALASKA, MONTANA, DELAWARE, DC , OR NEW HAMPSHIRE. There’s no sales tax there. It’s like tax free lifetime.

Those are my personal complaints, but my professional complaints are far beyond the cheapness of southern folks. Amarillo is one of the larger towns in the Texas panhandle so all of the podunk kids from the surrounding corn fields flock here to get the “latest” crap to wear to school. Most of their parents wait until this particular weekend to make the pilgrimage to A-Town. I say pilgrimage because there is absolutely nothing to look at on the way here from any direction. Don’t believe me? See for yourself. Anyway, they all crowd into the one decent mall within a few hundred miles and expect excellent customer service and unlimited supplies. What they are greeted with is high school kids who need drinking money and not enough shit to go around. Apparently this pisses them off and they vent their frustrations in unusual ways. The conversations around my place of employment went something like this:

(The following conversations took place August 5-7 and were recorded in all of their glory the night they occured.)

FRIDAY:
SHIFT: 6 PM – 12 AM

GangstaMexicanGirl: Can I go in the back and get this shoe myself?
BlackBrittney: Yeah, good luck finding it.

BossPaul: How’s it going?
TallGuy: I need to return this.
BossPaul: Ok.
TallGuy: The shock broke.
BossPaul: Ok.
TallGuy: So…
BossPaul: Ok.
TallGuy: Can I talk to someone in charge?
BossPaul: How about a general manager?
TallGuy: That’ll work.
BossPaul turns back to TallGuy, takes a few steps, turns back around, hands TallGuy a business card, points to name on card, points to matching name on name tag.
BossPaul: How’s it going?

MeanBlondeLady: Do you think I could get some help? I’ve been standing here for hours.
JuanTon (aka Manager): Yeah, me too. All you need now is a green shirt.

The store closes at 10. At about 10:05 mexican guy with pointy boots proceeds to crawl under gate.

JuanTon: I knew they could go over, but under too?!

SATURDAY:
SHIFT: 12 PM – 10:30 PM

Around 8:30 PM
FatChick: Is there any way you could turn on the air conditioner?
Me: I could, but it wouldn’t do much good since it’s broken.
FatChick: Well it’s really hot in here.
Me: Well most of us have to be here all day, so ya know, we’re hot too.
FatChick: Well I have to shop here.
Me: Nah, there’s a FootLocker, FootAction, Champs…
Woman proceeds to walk away, rolling her eyes.

By the way, I’m really fucking tired at this point because at the big FL we don’t believe in breaks. Or even eating.

SUNDAY:
SHIFT: 10 AM – 7 PM

Preface: Doug thinks he’s black. He is not. He is white. Like snow.

JuanTon: Why do you talk like that?
D-Slim: Like what?
JuanTon Like that!
D-Slim: Why do you talk the way you do?
JuanTon: It’s called being articulate.
D-Slim: Well, I’m not into art.
JuanTon: You idiot, articulate means enunciating words and syllables.
D-Slim: Oh. Well I’m not…artic..art.. You don’t need to be that anyway.
JuanTon: Yes you do Doug, it’s essential for communication and diplomacy.
D-Slim: I’m gettin’ my diploma, don’t you worry ’bout me sucka.
JuanTon walks away shaking his head.

It’s finally fucking over. And I found out today that New Mexico had their first ever tax free weekend. That means we were only really-fucking-busy instead of getting-assraped-busy. Joy.

  1. I don’t want to hear any more about bloody Amarillo, bloody weeks of hearing that crap song has taken its toll on me!

  2. I’ve been to Amarillo several times. The first time it was the high point of the trip, since I was enroute to Plainview. Talk about a hell-hole.

    I am so glad I don’t work retail.

  3. Thats just funny.

  4. I think I like JuanTon.