I hate today, i hate everything fuckin cupid. This is all shit. Literally shit. Imaginably large piles of shit. And now my ears are ringing. You seriously need to fuckin talk about me? So…. Saturday, when I finally left work I was more than relieved – beyond relieved. I went shopping with Joe, my gay husband <3... I love Joe and than, came home watched TV and than Dr. Dick Pepper called.

We talked for a white. My mom came and got Linjung and me and out to long island we went. We went to sleep, woke up for mass. Get there and I didn’t see the drummer boy until after communion. Than I went for communion and he followed me out. He was happy to see me- really happy see me. Gave me a huge hug and kiss. He met linjung and said he’d call me in :10 mins. An hour later he calls me and we talk. He tells me I’m sexy and beautiful and invites me to shower with him. He never calls back but promises to call me back. We got to Montauk. Nothing. Linjung and me went to go play pool and than came home.

My phone stalker starts calling me a 2 a.m. like 5 million times. Then I get the call: “you fucked my man?” ” I’m sorry, who’s your man?” “I’m the drummer boy’s girlfriend” OMG here we go. Time for to get ghetto. I came with it though. Don’t try to come out cha face bitch. Bottom line – I didn’t get – whatever – Drummer boy calls me this morning to tell me he “can’t fuck with me no more and I’m no good for him” and that he lost my coach wristlet with $200 of Mac make up inside of it. I cried on the train home.

I’m changing my phone number and not giving it to anybody. I can’t believe I cried over the drummer boy, what am I 15 all over again? So his sister calls me to wish me a happy valentine’s day and she told me she doesn’t like his girlfriend. Her name is Bertha. How can some one fuck a Bertha? It’s one of those names. Like: Margaret, Shirley, and Susan…. O bertha. O bertha. O yeah Bertha. Work it.

So I’m listening to Keane. Agitated. Pissed for ruining my own favorite fantasy. Well, making it come true and then ruining it. What was supposed to be after the sex anyway? I never really got that far. We’d live happily ever after? No. We really wouldn’t. We wouldn’t. He’s never been able to think for himself….

So Linjung asked me if I had to choose between Drummer boy and Dr. Dick Pepper, whom would I choose? Dr Dick Pepper. Really. And not because he has it together but because he makes me laugh. About everything and nothing. I can eat chocolate and be menstrual and can smile. I know him. Easy. Confident. Happy.

Nothing is making sense in this moment though. I’m so tired, I’m so broke. O yeah, as I was getting on the train this morning Miguel fired me. Even though I put in my two weeks notice. And today is Valentine’s Day. This is all after my mom is saying the Drummer boy and I were destiny. Ellen saying the spark is back and I got played for a shabooty. This is too funny. Some day I’ll laugh.

But I chose Dr Pepper. If I had to choose. At least now I cut out all the red tape.

<3 Mary

  1. There’s nothing like going back and remembering the good times, isn’t there?

  2. Eat some chocolate frosting and things will be okay.