Michelle called Sammy up and told him it was over. They fought for hours, and finally she said, “Good bye, Sammy.” The tone alone was enough for him to realize it was indeed the last time he would ever talk to her, and he hung up without replying.

That was an hour before he found his way into Tara’s Pub. Already a drunken slob, Sammy told the story over and over to just about anyone that would listen. He missed her, loved her, and hated that bitch, time and time again, drink after drink.

He was disgusted, really, to the point where he was at the bar with one of the regular hags, telling her about how Michelle used to cheat on him but he kept her around because he loved her.

All lies.

It was ugly, really, because everyone knew Michelle just as well as they knew Sammy. All the times they would come and get drunk, have fun, and relax. Michelle cheating on Sammy was about as plausible as President Bill Clinton not having any sexual relations with that woman.

Around 3 in the morning, Sammy finally left the bar and headed home. On his machine was message after message from his credit card companies, each one telling him his limits had been met.

Frantically, he called Michelle, who had no idea what he was talking about, and would appreciate him not calling her at such a late hour at night, drunk or otherwise. He called the credit card companies, but they were each closed.

Not sure what to do, he called the police. “Sorry sir, we already have someone reporting that crime,” they told Sammy. “They told us you’d be calling, trying to blame them for stealing your identity.”

Not really sure what else to do, Sammy called the one person he could trust… and got the answering machine.

“Hey Sammy, it’s Jim. Sorry I couldn’t be here right now to take your call but I’m probably sleeping with Michelle right now. We went out to dinner tonight, hope you don’t mind picking up the tab. Oh, and you need to see my new car. It’s incredible, thanks for the gift, pal! I’d love to chat but I have to call the cops and let them know someone stole my identity tonight! HAHA! I kill myself sometimes! Ta-ta!”

Police found Sammy’s lifeless body along the shore four days later without a note.