2006
01.22

Today was one of those quiet days that sort of meanders past you without much fuss. I spent the morning relaxing without the computer, just enjoying the weather. After lunch, however, I signed on, only to be bombarded with an abnormally large dose of stupidity. I will now share it with you. (But shhh! Don’t tell the internet police that I’m being mean!)

She’s back. Our very own stalker, Miss xmazatchax, has returned for yet another guest appearance here at The Dead End. Let’s welcome her as warmly as she welcomed me.

xmazatchax: you’re gay
xmazatchax: or bisexual
xIs it over yetx: okay
xmazatchax: :-[
xmazatchax: its alright
xmazatchax: nothing to be embarassed about
xIs it over yetx: of course not
xmazatchax: you have fat legs…
xmazatchax: they’re short
xmazatchax: and stumpy
xIs it over yetx: of course they are

Well guys, I didn’t want you to have to find out this way, but now that it’s out there, I guess I’ll come clean. I’m not really 5’6″. I’m really only 2’7″, and I’m a lesbian. I stand on a melon crate to reach the desk, and John’s just a facade. In reality I’m dating a stripper from Seattle named Candi.

She goes on:

xIs it over yetx: why do you bother IMing me
xmazatchax: whaaaattt
xmazatchax: cos u lookugly
xmazatchax: you bad mom
xIs it over yetx: thanks.

She IMs me because I am “ugly”. I imagine that she spends every waking hour IMing strangers who are “ugly”. I’m kind of getting the impression that she may be missing a limb or 3.

Then she sends me a present!

xIs it over yetx: why don’t you put all your energy into more positive avenues?
xmazatchax: [edit: She then sent me a link to Jabba’s cam image] cos she loves u
xIs it over yetx: I’m sorry, I just ate.

I don’t know who she’s obsessed with more, to be honest, and it’s kind of sad.

At this point, I’m really having fun:

xIs it over yetx: Hasn’t it gotten old, IMing me and acting like you have tourettes?
xmazatchax: whats tourrettes?!
xmazatchax: yeh what is it
xIs it over yetx: http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/
xmazatchax: WHAT
xmazatchax: DONT BE SO RUDE
xIs it over yetx: Don’t be so stupid.

Right, cause I’m the rude one. Of course. It comes with being a knee-high midget lesbian. I know that some people think I’m just a big meanie, but really, I try not to bite unless provoked.

At last, we begin to understand where her problems stem from:

xIs it over yetx: Were you smacked around as a child?
xmazatchax: yes
xmazatchax: why
xIs it over yetx: it shows.
xIs it over yetx: You’re a good argument for forced sterilization.

I’m actually against forced sterilization, but she might be the exception. I don’t think I’ve ever come across anyone so freaking stupid. Seriously, and I’ve met some pretty dumb people.

Oh boy:

xIs it over yetx: you and kitty and electriclady are like my fan club
xmazatchax: i know
xmazatchax: but you’re the hottest
xmazatchax: then its brandy… then last jenn cos shes kinda fatttt
xmazatchax: but still vivacious
xIs it over yetx: sure
xmazatchax: chunky and beautiful
xIs it over yetx: i dont find her attractive
xIs it over yetx: or Brandy
xmazatchax: REALLY
xIs it over yetx: absolutely.

Go figure. You wouldn’t believe the amount of flak I get for not thinking these girls are remotely good looking. I wasn’t aware the internet was the place of peace and tolerance. Oh well.

Classic:

xIs it over yetx: Do you live under a bridge?
xmazatchax: no
xmazatchax: why
xIs it over yetx: most trolls do

She served herself that one on a silver platter.

And lastly:

xmazatchax: do u like blow jobs
xIs it over yetx: only from you, love
xmazatchax: awwwwwwwwwww <333333333333333

Alright, let’s recap. Xmazatchax is stupid and in need of some serious help. I am a midget and a lesbian, and I have a dick.

Just remember kiddies, that it’s bigger than yours! ;)

  1. Wow your very own stalker! How exciting! I’m a little lost though… what did she send you a picture of? And how old is this person? They sure seem to have loads of time on their hands huh?

  2. Now that you’ve come clean and I know you’re really a knee-high midget lesbian, I love you more. *gets down on one knee* Marry me? You don’t need Candi. I’ll even give you cake. MMhm. I said cake.

  3. Lisa Marie on January 22, 2006 at 12:18 am said:

    Wow your very own stalker! How exciting! I’m a little lost though… what did she send you a picture of? And how old is this person? They sure seem to have loads of time on their hands huh?

    I’m guessing “The Whopper.”

  4. Whaaat are you saying, Jenn’s one sexy woman

    I hope you and Cindi are happy together, lmfao, and thank you for the laugh.

  5. i miss having a stalker

  6. Teehee, hilarity.
    Midget lesbians with dicks are cool XD

  7. John on January 22, 2006 at 2:48 am said:

    Lisa Marie on January 22, 2006 at 12:18 am said:

    Wow your very own stalker! How exciting! I’m a little lost though… what did she send you a picture of? And how old is this person? They sure seem to have loads of time on their hands huh?

    I’m guessing “The Whopper.”

    And it’s not so much the subject as the photo quality. The Supre High Contrast shots that wipe out your nose and bone structure just make me ill. Yech

  8. I just adore chicks with dicks! Love always for Heather as usual.

  9. TGO4LIFE on January 22, 2006 at 3:13 am said:

    i miss having a stalker

    I’d stalk you but I don’t have the attention span for that….

    Ooh look shiney object……

  10. haha, heather, i KNEW it! all those “pictures” you have up are just facades to throw us all off. you are so sneaky!! its a good thing we have people like xmazatchax to help us see the real you! ;)

  11. kathy on January 22, 2006 at 12:50 pm said:

    TGO4LIFE on January 22, 2006 at 3:13 am said:

    i miss having a stalker

    I’d stalk you but I don’t have the attention span for that….

    Ooh look shiney object……

    or better yet

    Which way did he go george, which way did he go

  12. Which way did he go george, which way did he go

    Haha .. I don’t get it………………….

  13. kathy on January 22, 2006 at 7:09 pm said:

    Which way did he go george, which way did he go

    Haha .. I don’t get it………………….

    i take it you never watched bugs bunny as a child

  14. ROFL…. heather you and sarcasm make a better couple. Sorry john!

  15. Do you ever have…just a boring day on the internet? LOL.

  16. It’s probably just some 13 year old with no other hobbies but the internet.

    I wouldn’t waste my time dissecting the conversation.