2005
07.26

So I’m tucking in shoe laces like a good employee should when a tall blonde lady with a Finish Line bag in her hand walks up to me and says, “I’d like to return these.”
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Hilarity ensues.

Conversation: (while walking toward the register area)
Tiffany : What seems to be the problem?
Lady: Well, I love the shoes but I’ve only had them for three weeks and the silver part is coming off.
Tiffany: Oh, really? Would you like to exchange them or do you just want a refund?
Lady: I just want to exchange them.
We reach the counter and she pulls out the shoes. The silver part is indeed torn off.
JuanTon: Wow, did you wash those?
Lady: No, no of course not.
JuanTon: Tiff, go get her another 7 1/2 from the back.
Tiffany heads toward door marked STAFF and gets said shoe. She hears the back end of the conversation between Lady and JuanTon.
Lady: Well I paid one hundred dollars for those shoes and for them to just fall apart like that…
JuanTon: Oh, I understand. We’ll take care of you.
Tiffany: Well Jesus Christ lady, they’re made by 8 year olds, what do you expect?
Awkward silence. JuanTon tries desperately to hold in a fit of laughter. PrettyBlondeGuy behind said lady has no such self control and nearly spits on her. JuanTon exchanges shoes, Lady stares in disbelief and walks away in stunned silence. JuanTon proceeds to punch me in the arm.
JuanTon: You bitch. She’s probably going to go donate some money to charity.

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This man is the devil. Yeah, I said it. If you haven’t heard, he’s Alan Cohen, co-founder of The Finish Line, Inc. and he pay my bills while I provide pocket change to him by selling overpriced shoes designed for NBA athletes and the people who will never jump as high or make the amount of money they make in one year in their entire lifetime. I’m not going to rant and rave about the evils of corporate America for the simple reason that because of this evil empire, I can read bash.org on my cell phone until my heart is content, pay $2.12/gallon for gas, and wear shoes made by Malaysians until they’re dirty and it’s time for a new pair.

Thank you Alan Cohen, thank you.

  1. i wore a pair of shoes outside the mall once (after JUST buying them) still had the receipt… decided i didnt like them. tried to take them back. the first question was “did you wear them outside the mall” i said yes.. they said sorry cant take the shoes back. of course this was years and years ago.. but still i would have told that lady to go fuck yourself. LISTEN LADY… SORRY NO RETURNS, NO EXCHANGES, dont be cheap and buy another pair!