2006
04.21

I was in Michigan to attend my now ex-boyfriends mothers wedding during the blackout of 2003. It was a hot, miserable, and mind numbingly boring experience that could only be dealt with by consuming vast amounts of alcohol.

Thankfully my boyfriend Jim had a friend with a fully stocked liquor cabinet. They invited some friends and we got the “party” started.

What started out as a couple of kids getting drunk in a basement turned into a police raid. You see, Jim lived in a very posh suburb of Detroit that is somewhat famous for its old money and fancy tennis courts. This same suburb was also the location for a well known John Cusack film.

Suffice to say, the cops in such towns are very bored and very arrogant, which is why 5 of them showed up at Jim’s house that night. There was no loud music, yelling, or anything else that would make them think there was a party going on. But Jim has a younger sister who was constantly getting caught doing dumb shit and they were there to check up on her. The problem was that I was the one doing the dumb shit when they showed up.

After searching the house with neither a warrant nor probable cause, they gave us breathalysers — and I protested. I saw no legitimate reason for there to be four police cruisers in front of my boyfriends house just because his sister (who was m.i.a.) happens to be a retard. After one of the more endearing officers gave me a ticket for drinking underage (I turned 21 exactly one week after this), I decided to go inside and drown my sorrows in even more beer.

I was feeling pretty randy by the time I’d finished off the booze, so naturally it was time for me to blow my boyfriend. Everything was going according to plan until I felt that familiar queasiness in my stomach. My gut was getting weaker by the second and before I knew it I’d blown chunks.

There was a long silence.

“Erin… did you… just vomit on my dick?” Jim asked, clearly repulsed. I passed out by the time he got out of the shower.

While getting ready for the wedding the next day I noticed that Jim was pretty angry with me. That wasn’t surprising since I barfed all over his sack and all. However, it seemed like something more was bothering him. I wish I’d never asked him what the problem was.

“Do you know,” he said, “that you crawled into my moms bed last night and started hugging her?”

Shock. Confusion. Shame. Disbelief. My life flashed before my eyes and I was sure that I was going to vomit all over again, only this time it would be all over my silk dress.

  1. This sounds like a story that should be sent to cosmo. I was in Ohio at the time of the blackout, invited my sister over and we had a budlite party.

  2. I was sitting on the hood of my car in New York, trying to get some kind of reception with my cellphone so I could have someone… haha… blog for me. God what a fucking goober I was (was, is, whatever).

    I was the only one with cell service, too, because I still had an analog cellphone. *snicker*

  3. that’s why ladies and gentlemen. if you cant hold your alcohol dont drink

  4. Wow, and I thought falling out of my computer chair was embarrassing.

  5. Omg that sounds like some night out! I’d hate to think about the things I might have done while overly wasted on alcohol…*scary*

  6. Well, I think we’ve all figured out by now that Erin sucks cock. Alcohol is a plus too for getting her in that mood but not too much! But I have a question though….

    You sure you weren’t sucking your bf’s mom’s cock? >:O

  7. wouldn’t it had been interesting if Jenn had posted something like this… wait, maybe someone should email her the idea so that it will show up sometime in her blog. It’s right up her alley for TMI. Oh yeah that’s right… I don’t think she drinks.

    Erin, WOW!!! So did you clean it off? I have no idea what my husband would do… I just asked him and he’s not completely awake all the way and he just said “I don’t know.”

  8. ahh ang, thats another visual we DONT need

  9. That sounds like a very interesting story :p Though I’m surprised the policemen managed to get into the house without a warrant… I’d have just slammed the door in front of their faces -.-

  10. Alexine on April 21, 2006 at 12:02 pm said:

    That sounds like a very interesting story :p Though I’m surprised the policemen managed to get into the house without a warrant… I’d have just slammed the door in front of their faces -.-

    My boyfriend tried to refuse them the right to enter his house but of course they just said “well, we can always just say we had probable cause. Who is the judge going to believe?”

    And obviously they were right. Any judge is going to believe a bunch of cops over a couple of 20-something year old kids, so my boyfriend gave up and let them in since we really didn’t have anything to hide anyway.

    But yeah, I totally had your mindset. Unfortunately got screwed for it ;)

  11. orally that is ;)

  12. Hmmm Blackout of 2003, I was just finishing installing servers at a limo company garage ONE BLOCK FROM RIKERS in queens… Umm Loud boom, sirens, no electric… and more sirens as the jail announces lockdown and I can hear it from the sidewalk where I stood.

    I was stuck there for HOURS before we decided to brave the lack of order in queens to get to the LIE.. not fun.

  13. i got one to add to that kathy. when I was younger and worked for a medical supply company having to deliver an oxygen tank to south jamaica ny.

  14. TGO4LIFE on April 22, 2006 at 1:34 am said:

    i got one to add to that kathy. when I was younger and worked for a medical supply company having to deliver an oxygen tank to south jamaica ny.

    What does that have to do with 2003?

  15. i was sharing a moment of braving bad elements. pay attention sparky

  16. Angela on April 21, 2006 at 8:15 am said:

    wouldn’t it had been interesting if Jenn had posted something like this… wait, maybe someone should email her the idea so that it will show up sometime in her blog. It’s right up her alley for TMI. Oh yeah that’s right… I don’t think she drinks.

    Erin, WOW!!! So did you clean it off? I have no idea what my husband would do… I just asked him and he’s not completely awake all the way and he just said “I don’t know.”

    you don’t need to email her i’m sure crys will tell her.

  17. TGO4LIFE on April 21, 2006 at 9:35 am said:

    ahh ang, thats another visual we DONT need

    go ahead let yourself go there you know jenn sucks cock. and anything else she can get her hands on

  18. Ranee on April 23, 2006 at 5:02 pm said:

    TGO4LIFE on April 21, 2006 at 9:35 am said:

    ahh ang, thats another visual we DONT need

    go ahead let yourself go there you know jenn sucks cock. and anything else she can get her hands on

    im going to have to burn out my corneas now