2007
05.10

Mountain of Mad Flesh

Right after Katrina, there were all these folks going off about how the hurricane struck the city because of its lack of godliness. The argument, basically, was that Katrina had somehow offended God by its lack of morality and, thus, was being punished.

Last week, a tornado leveled an entire city in Kansas

If we are working on the theory that Natural Disasters only strike places that God wants to punish for some reason, then logically, Greensburg, Kansas must have pissed off the deity something fierce. Indeed, the 95% destruction rate sends a pretty clear divine message that, somehow, God was really, really pissed off at them.

Evidence seems to suggest that Greensburg is predominantly white, Christian and Republican. I’ve searched their news archive and can find nothing that suggests they’ve done anything especially controversial or blasphemous.

This, of course, is disturbing, because if God truly uses natural disasters to punish the wicked, well, he may have seriously screwed up by punishing Greensburg.

Of course, God is infallible, so there are a couple of other conclusions we can draw.

1) God is punishing Kansas for not working hard enough to snuff out evolution.

2) God is punishing Kansas for not being Christian and Republican enough.

3) God hates Christians who use politics to force other people to follow their beliefs.

4) Or, the most plausible to my mind, God hates the Big Well.

The Big Well is the largest hand dug well in the world. It is 109 feet deep and 39 feet wide. Clearly, man DUG TOO DEEP and is being punished for almost reaching Hell.

Beware, Kansas! Keep your wells shallow. Don’t dig deeper than God would have you or you may get hit by another tornado.

Of course, it is also possible that tornadoes are just a weather phenomenon that happens sometimes and that they have nothing to do with God’s will, but that is atheist talk.

  1. [quote post=”1135″]Right after Katrina, there were all these folks going off about how the hurricane struck the city because of its lack of godliness. The argument, basically, was that Katrina had somehow offended God by its lack of morality and, thus, was being punished.[/quote]

    I was quite irritated by this, not only because that’s the most stupid claim EVER, but New Orleans didn’t even get the brunt of the actual STORM. Their effing levees were done in because they were shite. Other towns in Mississippi (Biloxi, anyone?) and even into Alabama were the ones actually devastated by the most violent part (front-right quadrant) of the storm itself, not by poorly managed municipal flood guards. So effing POO on that.

    PS: Got here via hilove.org :)

  2. BUllOCKS Tornadoes are not weather phenoms they are the way god punishes and of course this nice city in Kansas is being punished for being Republican. Everyone knows that God is a woman and that woman wants Mrs. Clinton to win. Haha Republican cities, watch your asses.

    And yes, I tell my daughter that it’s raining because god is crying since she’s been bad.