2005
08.11

Meet JuanTon

If you’ve read the last couple of submissions I’ve made, you’ll notice that the main source of my “funny” stuff comes from a guy I affectionately call JuanTon. To give you a better picture of the man behind the mean-yet-endearing one-liners, I have…well, pictures. And more quotes, of course.

JuanTon committing suicide by hanging himself with a shoelace from the oversized basketball rim over the register.

Dodging my camera lens. He hates the camera. Says it steals part of his soul.

His “retard” face. It’s blurry because he was dodging.

JuanTon fights back. With a vengeance.

Spraying me with water. He aimed for the arm pits so it would look like I was sweating from the lack of air conditioning.

His “sexy” face…with a basket of socks in the background.

I drew this on a box. For JuanTon. In spanish, so he could understand.

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST

It doesn’t need a caption. This is JuanTon…100%.

Ok quotes.

Al’s Formal Wear is directly across from our store and they get maybe 3 customers a day.

PHONE
AlsFormalWearLady: Thank you for calling Al’s Formal Wear of Amarillo where we now have our wedding invitations 40% off. This is AlsFormalWearLady, how can I help you?
JuanTon hangs up. Repeat 4 times.
AlsFormalWearLady: Thank you for ca—
JuanTon: —ling Al’s Formal Wear of Amarillo where we now have our wedding invitations 40% off. This is AlsFormalWearLady, how can I help you?
Hangs up.

LadyWithShox: Alright, you have a good day.
BAG HOLDING SHOES BREAKS.
LadyWithShox: Can I get another bag please?
JuanTon: What? Excuse the 9 year old from Thailand who wasn’t familiar with heat synch.

KID CRYING IN THE BACK GROUND.
MotherOfCryingKid is paying for shoes.
JuanTon: I really hate kids. They never stay clean and they’re so clingy..
MotherOfCryingKid is visibly irritated by JuanTon’s comment.
JuanTon: (to CryingKid) You know what we do with kids who cry in Finish Line? We put them on Ebay.
CryingKid keeps crying.
JuanTon: That’s it. You wanna go to China?
MotherOfCryingKid snatches receipt and leaves with NoLongerCryingKid.

I can’t remember the one about my mom, so whenever I do, I’ll let YOU know.

  1. Hahah!! I should have hired him instead of you to write here :)

  2. ouch!

  3. LOL. He’s the only person I know of who would actually say stuff like that to people. I need someone like him around here just to brighten up my day.