Last night, I think I spent about 2 hours getting ready for my boyfriend to come home and not so we can go out or anything – so we can stay in. My hair is done, my make up is on, in a micro-mini , boots and a scarf.

I don’t think I’ll ever get my hair or make up to do that again.

I tell him when he comes home, there’s a surprise waiting for him. I had set up a little table with candles and we were to drink our coke and green tea out of wine glasses for an effect… and when I answer the door all skanked out…

“This is my surprise?”

He proceeds to put down his things, takes a wiz, checks to see if the roommate is home… and there I am standing at the door (which is now closed) in shock. And for the love of my sweet hair clip – I even shaved my legs!!!!!!

I managed to get through the pre-dinner cigarette without bursting into tears. Now, I’m not a crying person, he has never seen me cry in the entirety of our relationship and here we are out of our bedroom window and I’m asking what the hell was up his reaction- (not that I have an ego- but I woulda thrown myself against a wall and done me on the spot if I were him coming home last night) and he says that he thought I had “crafty” surprise like I made him a card or put handcuffs from the ceiling or made the bed differently and I caught him off guard. I’m sorry what? We’re eating and by now I just can’t take it. I just start crying.

What the fuck? Who the fuck is he to give me this nonchalant I’m-too-rico-for-you. It broke my heart. I haven’t gained any weight, all my parts are in place and somehow I’m carpet.

Becoming carpet was the last thing I wanted to become and here I am – not even a fancy shag or Persian – indoor outdoor industrial in grey.

  1. Screw him, I’ll take your skankyness :)

  2. I’m sure this was a freak accident on his behalf – to come home to your love all skanked up and him not take the hint; he must have been exhausted, or maybe he got audited by the IRS or was mugged by a band of immigrant rabbits. I can’t explain it otherwise!

  3. Ouch. D:

    If it were me, I’d have hit him over the head with a frying pan or something.

  4. Aw I’m sorry hun. That would upset me too.