There is irony in this: The FBI wants you to be careful of trojans on Valentine’s Day.

Sadly, for humor’s sake, it has nothing to do with condoms.

Apparently there’s a virus called “Valentine’s Day Storm Worm” you should watch out for. Like most worms, they come to you through your email, so watch out for things like “I LOVE YOU” or “FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU” in the subject headings of all your emails [cite].

Or, you could get yourself an updated and running anti-virus program. Seriously, it’s 2001 already people, get with the program!

Now, because it’s the 14^th of February, it would be only fair to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day. Except you don’t wish total strangers that, do you? What exactly is the protocol?

When it’s Christmas, you wish everyone a Merry Christmas, unless you’re in the United States, where you just grunt because you don’t want the PC police to come and harass you for forgetting about any other holiday. Before Thanksgiving, you wish other people a Happy Thanksgiving, unless you’re in Canada because they did that last month and now you look stupid.

But what’s the protocol for Valentine’s Day? If I was at work and I wished a woman that came to my place of business a Happy Valentine’s Day, am I now obligated to take her out to dinner? What if she’s married?

Say a man and woman bump into each other and she goes to him, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” but he just found out his wife is cheating on him? Should he take this new woman out?

Do you wish your pastor a Happy Valentine’s Day? What about a monk?

I know this much: If you’re in a relationship and you DON’T wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day, you might as well cheat on them because they’re going to break up with you anyway.