2007
03.01

So the cool story in the news this week was the Delta Zeta thing. Did you not hear about it? Oh, damn, it is juicy, but not in the “sorority sisters showering with each other and slowly cleaning each other with lufa sponges” sort of way.

More juicy in the “oh no they didn’t, nuh-uh” sort of way.

To recap….

At DePauw University (slogan “DePauw is connected to DeLeg of DeDawg”), all of the less than pretty girls (and all of the non-white girls) were booted out of Delta Zeta sorority by the national board of Delta Zeta. The national board is claiming that it was all a big misunderstanding and that the reason the fat and non-caucasian girls were kicked out was because they were, in fact, “lazy, shiftless Mexicans, oh, ick.”

I kid! I kid! Most Mexicans aren’t lazy or shiftless and also have a good enough self image not to join Delta Zeta in the first place.

What the national office actually claims is that the ladies they kicked out were the ones who were less motivated to recruit new members. See, they were concerned about the dwindling size of Delta Zeta. So, to deal with the dwindling size, they kicked over half the members out.

In other words, they aren’t discriminating against the girls because of their weight and ethnicity; they are just stupid people. They are “to save the village, we must destroy the village” types.

Not coincidentally, and I am not making this up, the head of Delta Zeta is up for a position in the Bush administration. I’m not making this part up.

Now, say what you will about Bush (and I’ve said it all, believe me), but the man goes out of his way not to be racist and not to discriminate based on appearance. If he did, Cheney, who looks like a wart with a combover, would have been gone a long time ago.

Anyhow, Sororitys, it should be said, discriminate. This is to say that they do choose some people to be part of the sorority and other people not to be part of the sorority. Some sororitys in the U.S.A. do discriminate on the basis of race. Alpha Kappa Gamma, Alpha Phi Gamma, and Lambda Theta Alpha spring to mind and to google. However, I can’t find any sororities that actually favor heavy women, which is a shame.

And the issue here, let us not forget, is not race (since they had barely any minority members in the first place) but appearance.

I, for one, grew up on fantasies of nubile young women in sororities being spied upon by nerdy and overweight men. In fact, one of my favorite teen sex comedy moments was always when the John Belushi character was spying on the hot chick and then rubbed his eyes and, when he looked again, the hot chick had been replaced by the one fat chick. Hey, when I was 17, that shit was funny.

Somehow, the knowledge that there was a sorority where there were more fat chicks than hot chicks has spoiled my fantasies – sort of like when I met my first real lesbian and realized they didn’t all look like Jenna Jameson.

Since my fantasies have already been spoiled, I say “Delta Zeta sucks for doing this.”

That is all.

  1. Actually our school’s slogan is “DePauw: Uncommon Success in the Liberal Arts” or something. Our campus is oodles of fun right now with camera crews everywhere!

    But yes, DZ nationals = suck.

  2. Why don’t the fat ugly girls form an Awesome Society of Rejects and band together? According to all the Nerd’s movies, the always win when it comes to these kinds of wars anyway.

  3. Anna, that would be awesome.

    Also, I should mention, at the end of the day, I am attracted to the heavy set women. A bunch of big, curvy women showering is actually a hotter idea to me than a bunch of overly skinny cheerleaders.

    Ergo, the big, curvy women sorority could count on at least one peeping Tom.

  4. [quote comment=”18276″]Anna, that would be awesome.

    Also, I should mention, at the end of the day, I am attracted to the heavy set women. A bunch of big, curvy women showering is actually a hotter idea to me than a bunch of overly skinny cheerleaders.

    Ergo, the big, curvy women sorority could count on at least one peeping Tom.[/quote]
    What would The FianceTM have to say about that?

  5. Wow they do suck for doing that. But .. what’s done is done and no amount of apologizing is going to fix it.

  6. She approves of me peeping as long as I bring her with me. With a gun.

  7. [quote comment=”18275″]Why don’t the fat ugly girls form an Awesome Society of Rejects and band together?[/quote]

    They did!!!!! It’s called N.O.W. =)

  8. HAHA!! Delta Zeta got kicked off campus, effective next year. Good going, DZ Nationals!! It seems you have improved the school more than you could have anticipated.