2006
08.04

Good GAWWWWD

The following is a Yellow Hobbit Rant. This is no different than the type of medium used by the aforementioned artist used on his radio show. The listener, or reader in this case is generally confused for the first 5 or 10 minutes, then as things progress in the rant, they SOMETIMES make sense. As such, it is highly recommended that you read the article this rant is targeted at (The Hot Corner with Bambi Lathong-Dong) before reading the actual rant.

In the words of Walter, one of Jeff Dunham’s characters, “GOOD GAWD!”

I was googling random words, and I came accross a website aimed at helping parents keep their sanity while dealing with being parents.

I came accross this horrid article that has more typos than an AOL Instant Message…

First of all, “Bambi,” you are a cunt. Please die.

Now that we have established what my general feelings are towards this writer, and the doggy ass-dribble she calls work, let’s get one thing straight. Men enjoy masturbating. That is not necessarily to say that women do not enjoy masturbating, or that all men are constantly jerking off… Let’s just establish that men, I being one of them (and being able to speak for them), enjoy wanking it.

If you give an internet connection to a man, particularly one who, like myself, has a wife that does not provide enough sex, he is going to download porn.

This writer has refused to accept that perhaps the man mentioned in her article wants to bang his wife, and maybe she just wont put out.

Just because a man pleasures himself by manual means, does not mean he does not want to pleasure his wife, it means his wife was not around, or was not “in the mood.”

Notice how the writer assumes the man is not communicating… The member of this lunitics audience who wrote this letter didn’t say half of the things mentioned in the ‘response.’

So here’s my answer to “Bambi”

Bitch, get some new batteries.

Now, in the interest of attempting to remove some of the garbage out there, I thought I might email this author and attempt to discuss her response to this fan’s situation. I did however find that her email address was not valid, nor was the webmasters, or anyone else’s found on this website. This proves to me that the entire thing was a hoax, and the person who wrote the fan letter was the same person who wrote the response (which is how they knew details that were not included in the letter)

This is the email I attempted to send:

Bambi,

I’ll spare you the wasted moments reading any complex greetings, and cut right to the chase.

You posted a letter from a fan and your response in reference to the subject of a husband downloading material of a non-educational manner.

Did it ever occur to you that through the natural curiosity of humans that it is completely acceptable from a psychological perspective to download porn? It is not healthy to supress emotions, nor is it healthy to tell a woman that her marriage is in danger simply because her husband has a clip of three midgets and a clown in a back alley with some motoro oil.

Did it even occur to you that the writer has driven her husband away? Maybe self gratification is all he has, maybe she refuses to even hold his hand while they walk together?

Any time there is an issue between two people, one person is RARELY at fault. Normally both parties are currently, or have in the past, acted in a manner that was not beneficial to the development of the relationship, or to the individual sense of existence.

I have some advice for you, and it does not involve the rantings of a scorned divorcee who hasn’t had an orgasm in 30 years.

Leave counseling to the select few that actually have something that resembles a grasp on reality.

Sincerely,

Father Donald Koger
Circle of Rhyttan

  1. Gosh what a subject lol. Well luckily I got a girl, so I don’t need porn at all. But I’m sure not only guys surf to pornsites, but also the ladies. Their just too chicken to admit I believe :P And uhm, that website sanitycentral hotcorner looks extremely dumb. I cannot believe that people actually sent these kind of things in. But, I do believe that porn is not needed in a relationship.

  2. Dear Lucas,
    Even though you have a girl and might someday marry a girl, I find it odd that you still don’t want to pleasure yourself any chance you get. After all that’s why it’s called pleasure and not oh the death penalty.

    Dear Hobbitt Man,
    I’m sorry I voted you out. You definitely deserve to stay. I’d stuff the ballot box but your tyrant of a boss has fixed me on that one. Bastard.

  3. I heard someone at work say “i cant jerk off man, that would make me gay.” My thought is, if he is that insecure about his sexuality that admitting to another male that he has touched a penis(his own), then he probably IS GAY.

    Get over it, everyone touches themselves, even a little. We dont always do it on purpose, and we dont always finish the job, but we all touch ourselves.

    Anyone who doesnt is an uptight prude who needs to be shoved into a giant microwave and removed from the gene pool. If you arent secure enough to wank it, you’re probably not good at it with another person either.

  4. All I want to know is, what random words were you googling?

    Signed,

    Curious As Hell.

  5. Jenna on August 4, 2006 at 10:02 pm said:

    All I want to know is, what random words were you googling?

    Signed,

    Curious As Hell.

    I’m obviously hoping for the worst, like murderour parent rampage assholes or something.

  6. John on August 5, 2006 at 6:37 am said:

    I’m obviously hoping for the worst, like murderour parent rampage assholes or something.

    I was thinking more along the lines of incest tittyfuck momma daughter, myself.

  7. Hmmm… I wonder why word could have set off the spam filter?

  8. I think it was “daughter”

  9. John on August 5, 2006 at 9:48 am said:

    I think it was “daughter”

    Had to have been.

  10. Yellow Hobbit on August 4, 2006 at 7:26 pm said:

    I heard someone at work say “i cant jerk off man, that would make me gay.” My thought is, if he is that insecure about his sexuality that admitting to another male that he has touched a penis(his own), then he probably IS GAY.

    Get over it, everyone touches themselves, even a little. We dont always do it on purpose, and we dont always finish the job, but we all touch ourselves.

    Anyone who doesnt is an uptight prude who needs to be shoved into a giant microwave and removed from the gene pool. If you arent secure enough to wank it, you’re probably not good at it with another person either.

    I completely agree. I have a friend who freaks the hell out at the slight mention of anything lesbatronic. I’m talking even if I said something like If I were a lesbian I’d be in love with Angelina Jolie. Something so far from ever happening that she’d want me or anything. Although we all know I am and I would, but that wasn’t the point. So anyway I mean she completely freaks out. We were just talking about this today and my husband goes well you know the ones who act like that are always closet cases. I’d had to be a closet case and not put my dirty laundry out there for the whole internet to see.