2007
09.13

Well, John had his say about Ms. Spears’ VMA performance.

I’ve just got to have mine.

Dear Ms. Spears,

I, for one, am disappointed.

The stuff going on in your personal life is really none of my business. If you want to go around with no underwear and mix soda into your babies bottles, that is your business.

I don’t especially care if you are bald, or if you’re not in the same shape you were in before you had two kids, or if you have a substance abuse problem.

Heck, I don’t even care if people go and by your albums even if I think a howling monkey with a nagging stomach pain sings better than you.

However, when you perform on a major awards show, even an especially stupid awards show, you better damn well be ready to perform. That is one thing that is between you and me. The fact that you weren’t prepared to dance and lip-synch in front of an audience means you were specifically disrespecting me. In fact, you were disrespecting every single person who watched the show – live or on YouTube.

As I said, your weight did not bother me – in fact, I think you are much more attractive at the moment than five years ago.

The zombie like shuffling and apparent inability to correctly lip-sync your own song, though….

Honey, there are drag queens all over the nation who could have performed that song better than you did last night – and with more enthusiasm. In fact, I know a few who could give you a run for your money even if you had been at the top of your game.

So scratch that. There are inbred macaque that could have performed it better and with more enthusiasm.

You are an allegedly seasoned performer! You didn’t even have to sing! You just had to move your mouth along to words that, in theory, you’ve heard a hundred times by now. You had weeks and weeks to prep this routine so that you could knock it out of the park and reclaim your reputation. I would be surprised to hear that you rehearsed that number more than five or six times.

Brit, you’re a professional entertainer and your VMA performance was entirely unprofessional.

Take some advice here. If the only people saying “good work” to you about this are Label A&R people and BFFs, you are being lied to. If a million other people said your performance stank, it probably stank quite a bit.

  1. It’s almost like you made the same suggestion so Lindsay Lohan a couple weeks ago.

  2. Dear Britney,
    Your career as a singer is over. Give up already and start making an attempt to mother the two Children you managed to pop out from between your legs.
    Your’s Truly
    an ex-fan

  3. [quote comment=”19917″]Your career as a singer is over.[/quote]
    She was a singer?

  4. [quote comment=”19918″]She was a singer?[/quote]

    Yeah, but by your standards, she wasn’t thin enough for you to notice.

  5. [quote comment=”19919″]
    Yeah, but by your standards, she wasn’t thin enough for you to notice.[/quote]
    I was too busy noticing her inability to walk, fake-sing, and “dance.” Maybe if you read the whole entry you’d realize that, unless you’re purposely trying to instigate an argument.

  6. [quote comment=”19916″]It’s almost like you made the same suggestion so Lindsay Lohan a couple weeks ago.[/quote]

    I worry about former teen starlets.

    Paris is next.

    The city, I mean.