They say that by next February, you better have a digital television… or else!

That’s right, you better go run out to Best Buy or Circuit City or wherever you can get a TV and buy yourself a brand new set, because otherwise you won’t be able to watch any local broadcasting because they’re going digital.

You don’t want to do that, do you?

What they DON’T tell you is that if you have cable television - and most of you do - then you won’t have to worry about it. Why? Because you’re already getting a digital signal. And if you have satellite television, then you won’t have to worry either. Hi, what do you think is coming from that satellite signal, goat cheese?

So what’s with all the hype?

Spend your money. Money you don’t have, money you could save up for a half gallon of gas, money that could buy a quart of milk. Go to the stores and buy something you most likely don’t need. That’s the American way, right?

And aren’t we thisclose to a recession? Do we really need to buy a new product that will only hurt our wallets in the end? Please, open your eyes, and understand that we need lower gas prices, not digital television.

And the rebate we’ve been offered by the government? By the time anyone sees a red cent from it it’ll be the end of June, the earliest, according to most news stories. All this talk about sparking our economy now takes at least five or six months to actually happen because once the negotiations are done - and they are - they now have to write a bill, make it a law, have the President sign it, and then send it to the IRS. Those bastards take FOREVER when it comes to giving money out.

What they SHOULD do, since it’s going out to “taxpayers” only, is have the money be automatically deducted from your taxes. Start it from there, so instead of the average Joe paying $200 in federal taxes, they get a refund instead. This will get more people to file their taxes as soon as they get their paperwork from their employers or contractors, but that would be too easy.

Congratulations, America. You’ll be getting your $300 rebate check sometime during the summer, but make sure you send your $500 in federal taxes in by April 15 or else!