Nobody I like ever wins an Oscar. Samuel Jackson? No Oscars. Bruce Willis? No Oscars. Kurt Russell? Damn right, No Oscars. The list goes on and on, but suffice to say that the only people these actors are getting any love from may very well be me.

I didn’t mean that in a dirty way.

I am especially distressed that Kurt Russell has never even been nominated for an Oscar. The man played Snake Pliskin and for this reason alone he deserves a lifetime achievement award. Also, he married Goldie Hawn which, I am led to believe, is a considerable chore.

But look at the range and depth of his career! This was a man who was equally comfortable as the lead in The Strongest Man in The World (albeit he was not the titular character) and as Captain Ron. He was fricken Captain Ron.

More importantly, he was in Tombstone, one of the best modern westerns, and Silkwood. Yes, he has made some big, dumb and easy to make fun of movies, but he was actually pretty amazing in those two films. He even won a Golden Globe for Silkwood, which doesn’t really count as an award because it goes to whichever nominee buys the most voters dinner.

None the less, Russell, Willis and Jackson don’t win awards, I think, because they court roles that make them lots of money. Willis doesn’t think twice about doing any piece of crap script that comes along with a paycheck, so when he is profoundly good in a role (see Twelve Monkeys), he isn’t considered for the Oscar because somehow the fact that he also made Blind Date makes everyone figure he isn’t serious about ‘the craft.’

I call bullshit here, of course. One’s ability to be a great artist is not measured by one’s worst performances, but by one’s best. For example, having seen Brokeback Mountain, I will never hold The Order against Heath Ledger again. He has earned the right to make ten or fifteen more crap movies for tons of money by my reckoning.

Fortunately, all of these actors can look to Michael Caine, who has made no shortage of absolutely crap films but is still considered to be a great actor, largely because he has a British accent. Also, Madness (Our House) wrote a song about him, which makes him really something special. Mostly, they wrote songs about pants, so he clearly is as at least as major a think as trousers.

On a positive note for one of my face actors, I am crossing my fingers that this will be Samuel L. Jackson’s Oscar year. After all, he will soon be featured in Snakes on a Plane. That, my friends, will be a piece of cinema magic.