I must have been an unusual site walking down the street with a toilet lid in my hand. Laurie had broken the old one two or three years ago when she tried to lift it to see why it kept running. I had explained to her that you needed to take the lid off entirely and place it on the seat, but she was too lazy to do that. Instad, she lifted it up from the side and, lacking anything resembling upper body strength, dropped it on the ground. A third of it simply broke off.

Since that day, she had been promising to replace it. Of course, expecting Laurie to actually come through on a promise like that was silly of me - ludicrous, actually. I recognized this but, at the same time, really wanted to give her the chance to come through.

Since she hadn’t, I started looking for covers. I really didn’t want to pay for one and, since the first Wednesday of the month was bulky item pick up day, I probably wouldn’t have to.

The trouble is, I don’t have a car, so for the first two Wednesdays, I called Laurie when I saw one.

“Laurie, toilet lid on Vine street.”

“I’m on it!”

Of course, she never was.

When I saw the lid yesterday, I couldn’t resist. I was about a mile from home and walking when I saw it there in a pile of rubble from an abandoned house. There’s been some police trouble at the house last month and I remember seeing at least two covered bodies being brought out.

Yes, this was probably a dead couple’s toilet lid.

Well, that is the way it goes sometimes. There death was, frankly, my gain. I picked that sucker up and happily headed home.

At first, I was pretty comfortable carrying it like a skateboard. After a few blocks, though, it started to get heavy, so I shifted hands. By the time I was near my house, I was having to move it from hand to hand every twenty steps or so. Damn, those things get heavy.

I worried that it might be too small for my toilet, but it turned out to be a perfect fit. I got rid of the 2/3 cover that we’d been using. Everything was nice for about 24 hours.

Since then, the hellish moans of the damned erupt whenever I flush that toilet. I have a dead man’s lid on my toilet and he cleary doesn’t like the smell of my poop.

More news on this as it develops.