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How To Solve Everything
September 23rd, 2005, 5:08 am
By Joey Michaels

We are $200 billion in the hole for Iraq. Katrina is going to cost us another $200 billion. It looks like this new hurricane is going to wrack up some serious damage before the day is through. The national debt? Fuggedaboutit. We are spending, spending, spending. Those halycon days of small liberal government are far behind us - the conservatives have managed to make government bigger and more intrusive than it ever has been before. The obvious solution, of course, is to raise taxes, but an unpopular president isn’t about to do that. So what is the solution?

Easy. Legalize drugs.

All drugs.

Marijuana, cocaine, heroine, crack, PCP. All of it.

We have spent hundreds of billions of dollars in our war on drugs. Have they gone away? Are the showing any signs of being less popular? Of course not. Just elminating the war on drugs would save us billions of dollars every year.

What’s more, the money we could be making by selling drugs over the counter - and taxing it like we tax cigarettes - could make even more money for the country. Can you imagine how much dough Washington could rake in if it had a basic marijuana tax? Bush could pay for three more wars with the cash he’d make.

Also, we could let the 50,000 people in jail for simple drug related charges - like possession or like driving your friend to the mall not knowing that she was going to buy drugs there and get you both busted - out of jail. Not only wouldn’t we be paying for their room and board anymore, they would be able to get low paying jobs so that they could support their prison-developed drug addictions. It is a win/win situation.

Yes, I know, parts of the country stand in firm opposition to drug legalization. However, most of those parts of the country are aggresive supports of Bush. Just as only Nixon could go to China, only a president like Bush (who is ostensibly anti-drug, though rumors of a cocaine habit have dogged his presidency) would be able to legalize drugs. His followers would go with him is what I’m saying.

Now is the time, folks. Legalized drugs could save the economy. Save the nation. Save America.


14 Responses to “How To Solve Everything”


  1. Jackie
    Posted:
    Sep 23rd, 2005
    8:54 pm
    1

    You’ve obviously never watched anyone succumb to addiction as I have, otherwise your post wouldn’t reek of ignorance.


  2. Joey Michaels
    Posted:
    Sep 23rd, 2005
    9:41 pm
    2

    Lived with a heroin addict for nine years. Still pay for her methadone to this day. Yeah, she was destroying her life and there were times when every day with her was a living hell for both of us. Would she have deserved to go to jail for 15 years for becoming an addict when she was 16? Would your loved one have deserved jail time for it? Would you have deserved to go to jail for hanging around with your loved one when they had drugs in their possession? Should a person go to jail for the same number of years for possessing a reefer as for possessing 20 tabs of PCP?

    If you answered “no” to any of those questions then you are not a 100% supporter of the U.S. war on drugs either.

    The issue you are concerned about it the personal cost of drug addiction. Obviously, you would agree that there is a terrible personal cost of something like alchohol addiction (or cigarette addicition) too. Would you be comfortable with the U.S. Federal government making booze and cigarettes illegal in the name of making us safe? Should the U.S. Federal Government be in the business of protecting us from our own stupid choices? If so, they shouldn’t stop at booze, drugs and cigarettes. Hey, fast food causes some terrible heart problems that end up costing society tons of money in health care. Better protect us from that, too. Why draw the line at drugs?

    I truly believe that drug addiction is a terrible thing, but spending billions of dollars arresting drug addicts and sending them to jail (where they just get worse) has not solved the problem - nor will it.

    History has demonstrated that prohibiting something does not make it go away. The history of the war on drugs has made this clear. Legalized drugs would mean that the drugs would be safer, that there would not be a stigma attached to seeking immediate medical help for an overdose (as opposed to hoping it goes away so you don’t get arrested) and, for that matter, there would be no stigma attached to recovery (admitting you are an addict is hard if the possibility of job loss, property loss or jail time hangs over your head).

    By making drugs legal, you are taking them out of the hands of gangs and into the hands of normal salespeople. Walmart and CVS are not going to get into a gunfight regarding who has the rights to sell CamelTM Heroin in any given neighborhood. Remember all the gangland violence that existed during the Prohibition period related to alchohol? Do you read about a lot of alchohol related gang wars these days?

    I stand by what I wrote. I have lived on many sides of the drug war. My opinions are based on hard won first hand experience with addicts, with police, with educators, with drug counselors and with politicians.

    I am very sorry for your loss and what you went through. However, it is unfair to characterize me as ignorant on this issue and to assume that I have not gone through something similar.


  3. John
    Posted:
    Sep 23rd, 2005
    10:38 pm
    3

    All I know is this: There are parts of the world where drugs are legal. Amsterdam doesn’t have a high crime rate but are considered the capital of legalized drugs.

    I’ve seen what drugs can do to people. I’ve seen kids get high and fuck their lives up, family die of overdoses, and I know people that lost their families because they couldn’t get off their fix. I don’t support legalized drugs, but I also don’t find sarcasm or satire as offensive. That would be like me taking offense because someone wrote about fat, lazy Puerto Ricans.

    Those fucking bastards…


  4. taitdabogan
    Posted:
    Sep 24th, 2005
    12:16 pm
    4

    Does that mean we should legalize terrorism?

    Since the war isn’t working an all.


  5. Joey Michaels
    Posted:
    Sep 24th, 2005
    2:48 pm
    5

    Totally different things, Tait.

    That being said “war on terrorism” makes about as much sense as “war on weather.”


  6. taitdabogan
    Posted:
    Sep 24th, 2005
    9:55 pm
    6

    heh, damn that weather!


  7. R&C's Dildo
    Posted:
    Sep 26th, 2005
    2:32 am
    7

    I agree, the war on drugs is pretty futile. But why is that? Sure we can keep pumping money into fighting this uphill war on drugs but it’ll be like riding a unicycle with one leg & no seat!

    But again, why is that? There are many contributing factors but one that stands out most to me is the lack of international support. Most of the drugs that you see on our streets are imported from other countries. Do you think places like, oh let’s say, Columbia gives a rat’s ass about our peeps? Fuck no. Do you see international help with the bling bling from other countries? I don’t think so.
    So we’re stuck funding this war on drugs with little to no help from others and when we try other options like tightening the grip on our borders (not only for terrorism & illegal immigration) to curb the tsunami like flow of drugs into our country, we are attacked by minority & special interest groups that shout out racism instead of seeing the bigger picture. Then there’s the option of raising taxes… which never sits well with taxpayers. And do you think any politician is wanting to stick their careers on the line in support of any of these issues? yeah right. Thus, there is a lack of support even from within our own borders.

    Legalizing it isn’t the answer either. I too have seen many lives destroyed or lost to the use & abuse of drugs. John, you know what I do for a living and trust me, I’ve seen some pretty ugly shit but legalizing drugs so we can generate revenue at the cost of our people’s lives is totally and utterly fucking stupid! More US citizens have died this year from alcohol and/or drugs than those serving our country in Iraq fighting a totally different war.

    To address the comment of letting out the 50,000 inmates for “simple drug related charges”… I fart in your general direction. Have you ever heard of plea bargaining? Yes, you know, pleading guilty to a lesser charge and having the most serious charge(s) dropped. This saves the taxpayers money by not having it go to a jury trial and not having to house these inmates for a longer period of time. So most of those 50,000 inmates didn’t just get charged for possesion, I’m absolutely positive that they were charged with more serious crimes but struck a deal with the DA’s office.

    One of my favorite sayings was from a buddy of mine who said… “If you can arrest someone for drugs & take them off the streets, you’re gonna save yourself having to fill out lengthy reports for thefts/burglaries.”
    Gotta support that habit somehow huh… even if it were legalized.


  8. Joey Michaels
    Posted:
    Sep 26th, 2005
    5:51 am
    8

    Dude, it is supply and demand. Even if the borders were sealed, drugs would get in. Drugs get in to maximum security prisons. They get in everywhere because people want to buy them. You aren’t going to cut off the flow of something that people want to buy. If we nuke Columbia, somebody in Ohio is going to find a way to make cocaine in their basement - because as long as people want it, somebody will be there to sell it.

    The “have to steal for drugs” argument is very similar to the “don’t make alchohol legal again” argument during prohibition. Alchohol related crime dropped exponentially once it was legal. Lives are still destroyed by alchohol - are you in favor of making it illegal again? Lives are destroyed by cigarettes - should we make those illegal? Heck, lives are destroyed by chronic obesity - should we ban fattening foods? Why is the line drawn at pot?

    In countries wheredrugs have been made legal, crime has dropped. Why wouldn’t that happen in America?

    As for the “lives destroyed” argument, you mentioned alchohol, too. Did the war on drugs prevent those lives from being ruined? If they could have just stood up and said “I am an addict and I need help” without the fear of going to jail, wouldn’t they have had a better chance at recovering? I honestly don’t believe that more lives would be ruined if they were legal - any more than more lives are ruined because alchohol is legal. The difference is, you can admit you’re an alchoholic, get treatment and succeed in life (even become president of the USA).

    I cannot argue against your plea bargain point except to say mandatory sentences seem to make it impossible to escape jail time on some relativeley minor charges. Jail time for pot possession, for example, is, IMO, an asinine idea.

    Drug addiction sucks. I’ve seen the effects it has had on people also. People I loved. However, the War on Drugs didn’t prevent that from happening. It will not prevent the demand from continuing. It will not prevent one person from becoming an addict. It will create gang related crime, addicts unwilling to get help, and continued misery.

    You know who the war on drugs helps most? People who sell drugs. They can charge whatever they want, put out the poorest product they have and not have to pay one cent to any government in taxes. Drug lords benefit more from the war on drugs than normal people. In my opinion, of course.


  9. R&C's Dildo
    Posted:
    Sep 30th, 2005
    4:29 pm
    9

    With all said and done… what you’re basically saying from what I’ve read above is, “Hey, alcohol, cigarettes & fattening foods are not good for you too, but they’re legal. So why not legalize marijuana so we can make some money & profit from it.”

    But your argument to make another wrong legally considered right… is just plain & simply wrong.
    As I said above, “legalizing drugs so we can generate revenue at the cost of our people’s lives is totally and utterly fucking stupid!”


  10. Joey Michaels
    Posted:
    Sep 30th, 2005
    7:10 pm
    10

    Well, I suppose if you ignore every other argument I made in my various responses here, you can boil it down to what you boiled it down to.

    So, you tell me, why should drugs be illegal but alchohol and cigarettes be legal?


  11. R&C's Dildo
    Posted:
    Oct 3rd, 2005
    5:01 am
    11

    Alcohol & cigarettes are legal because of stupid fucking idiots… just like those that argue that drugs should be legal too.


  12. Joey Michaels
    Posted:
    Oct 3rd, 2005
    5:27 am
    12

    All right, I can respect that you are consistent then in your completely wrong and ignorant view. You are not a hypocrite and, for that, I give you props.


  13. R&C's Dildo
    Posted:
    Oct 7th, 2005
    3:37 pm
    13

    I’m glad to hear that you can respect consistency with what you perceive as wrong & ignorant views. Hopefully someday you will realize & accept your own. I’ll give you props when that happens.


  14. Joey Michaels
    Posted:
    Oct 7th, 2005
    4:01 pm
    14

    Aw snap!