After being banished from TheDeadEnd, I am back, with a vengeance of course. After a little soul searching and eating a whole lot of chopped barbecue, I have found that my true calling is sitting right here writing semi-funny stuff and browsing MySpace for hours on end. What business do I have with THEREALWORLD? Fuck that, I laugh at strongbad, have spoken l33t and have AIM on my cell phone. I am truly a weirdo.

So I’m watching HBO, and I realized why people beat their kids. There was some special on about problems that “teens” face today. I guess the definition of a teenager nowadays is 11-13 year olds. Whatever. Every kid on there had some kind of emotional issue to deal with, which to me sounded like a load of bullshit. I wrote out a five page rant about it with a red sharpie on notebook paper, but I lost the first four pages so here’s the end.

Kids are going to do dumb shit all the time. This is a given. What really gets me going is when parents let their kids fuck up a good time. Example: I’m at Hasting’s picking up some sweet tunes when some know-it-all 5 year old starts asking a million questions and screaming for cotton candy. I’ve seen this scenario play out two ways.

Parent One: Get the kid some sugar and shut him up until his teeth have rotted out and they have to drill until said parent’s bank account is depleted.

Parent Two: Kid starts crying. A slap on the head and a lecture on tooth decay later, you have a dentist in the making to buy you a sweet condo. Problem solved.

Should you hit your kids just to do it? Nah, but every now and then your fist serves as a friendly reminder not to fuck up. Your daughter is a tramp, your son is a sissy? Your fault. A few dropkicks and a power bomb later, your daughter is a nun and your son is a baseball player. PROBLEM SOLVED.

  1. o.O