2008
02.29

If you’re anything like me, you’re always in need of a little extra time. Every four years, we get that little bit of extra time in the form of Leap Year. So, since you have a whole extra day this year, what should you do with it?

Well, if you’re American, “The Man” wants to stick it to you. Note that “The Man” always schedules election years the same year as leap years. The hope is that you’ll be so wrapped up in the election that you won’t bother asking why you have to work that extra day.

Fortunately, most of my fellow Americans could care less about the election, especially when Lindsay Lohan’s freckled boobs are finally bare for the whole world to see. What I’m saying is, to most of us, the fact that Ms. Lohan is nude in public is much more interesting than anything either political party can dredge up. As a matter of fact, if I were John McCain, I would announce that her breasts were my candidate for Vice President.

Anyhow, this gets to my first suggestion for us of your time on February 29. Look at naked pictures of famous people. Even if they don’t turn you on, a lot of people went through a lot of trouble to make it possible for you to look at these nude celebratards. The least you can do is pay them back by politely watching the Gene Simmons sex tapes or those snapshots of that poor girl from High School Musical.

What’s more, this is your chance to send them thank you notes.

“But those won’t be safe for work,” I already hear you whining.

What are you working for? Did you agree to work an extra day this year? This is like your boss scheduling you on Super Bowl Sunday. If you are working this extra day, you should at least be paid double time.

Me? I’m not even bothering going in to work. I’m not even going to call in. My boss knows he’s dicking me over by scheduling me. And I know that he knows. It is a battle of wills. A psychological game of chicken and I’m willing to crash my brain into his any day, anytime. Especially leap day.

Basically, my brain is like a hummer and his is like a ’74 Pinto.

Anyhow, I encourage you to avoid sleeping at all costs during your Leap Day. This is 24 hours of time that you’ll never have again. At the end of it, you’ll be older. You need to do everything in your power to stay up.

This is why Leap Day is an excellent day to sample energy drinks. Keep a stethoscope on hand so you can periodically check your heart rate after you’ve drunk one. Remember, if drinking them gets your heart rate up above 120, you are actually at the equivalent of 20 minutes on the cross trainer. You’re awake and you’re doing cardio. Monster cardio.

So, you’re on a caffeine buzz and you’ve spent some time skipping work and looking at porn. What should you do with the rest of your time?

Did you know that while you were at work, there were a number of TV shows that were being shown that are not shown when you are home from work? It’s true! Cartoons, soap operas, talk shows, a whole variety of things that you never have a chance to see. You owe it to yourself to see if any of them are worth checking out.

Good luck and Happy Leap Year.

  1. If it snows on Leap Day, does it really count as a snow day?

  2. Yeah leap day isn’t that far away. Wow, It’s actually today. I didn’t even realize that til now :) I can’t believe March 1st is tomorrow already.