I woke up yesterday morning, stumbled into the living room and grabbed the newspaper. I only read the important parts: comics and puzzles, funny news stories, drug busts, and sports.

I was reading through the funny news stories when something caught my eye. Apparently some woman was asked out on a date…



A park visitor was attacked by a grizzly bear Wednesday and hiked miles to safety with severe facial injuries, park officials said. The man, in his late 50s, was taking photographs of bears when he was attacked, according to a statement from the park.

What did this man honestly expect the bears to do, stand there and smile? Did he think the bear was coming closer to him because the lighting wasn’t right?

He must have captured the bear’s bad side on film – that would piss me off enough to claw someone nearly to death.

According to some statement that some guy with an official title gave, park visitors are encouraged to travel in groups, make noise and carry pepper spray.

Apparently using some common sense isn’t required or suggested anymore.



I found myself reading the package that my blueberry muffin came in the other day – “Now with blueberries!”

As opposed to what? It’s a blueberry muffin, would you load it with oranges or tomatoes?

I brushed it off, but was later met with “Quality You Can Taste!” written on the container of milk I had purchased. I’m sorry, but I want the milk that I could feel the quality instead – bring that kind back, thanks.

Is it me or have companies taken it upon themselves to make us feel like complete idiots?