2008
07.31

No, I’m not talking about some cheesy horror flick that’s only on at 3:00 in the morning… I’m talking about real life. I’m talking about how I’ll never be able to enter a bathroom and be at ease again. Because ladies and gentlemen, bathrooms apparently hate me. And over the two weeks, they’ve been making their dislike for me known to the world.

The incident… It was a completely harmless act on my part. I needed to blow my nose, so I did. The upstairs trashcans were downstairs since it was garbage day, so there was nowhere to throw my used tissue. So naturally rather than letting it sit around, I tossed it in the toilet and flushed. That was apparently my first mistake.

I didn’t pay much attention to the flushing toilet, since I was in a bit of a rush to get back to my computer so John could call me for Radio X. Turning to glance in the mirror, I headed out the door. Right as my hand came to rest upon the lighswitch, I heard this strange sound. It sounded like the noise those large-bottle water coolers make when you’ve filled a cup and air escapes into the bottle. That bubble-popping noise.

Before I even had a chance to comprehend what was happening, I found myself standing in the middle of a water explosion. The toilet had gone crazy and was spewing water all across the bathroom. It reminded me oddly of my aunts hot tub when you turn all the bubbles on but there is too much water in the actual tub. The floor was soaked, the walls were soaked, and I stood there completely dumbfounded for at least 10 seconds just watching it.

Thankfully my brain switched back on and I was in motion. I got the water stopped (because the bubbles couldn’t do anything if there wasn’t enough water in the bowl), rushed into my room to type a hasty excuse for John, then headed downstairs where I proceeded to relay the whole story to my aunt. She looked at me the same way that I had looked at the toilet, and told me to find my uncle.

Twenty minutes, fourteen towels, and one wet vac later the floor was on its way to being dry and I was back on the air relaying my story to our audience who found the entire incident infinetly more hilarious than I did. But since that day, I have refused to do anything in the upstairs bathroom except shower because I firmly believe that toilet is possessed and it hates me.

  1. HAHA. Wow. Apparently your snot is no good.

  2. This story could only be better if provided with video.

  3. No problem. Next time the toilet goes crazy and is spewing water all over, I will make sure to get my camera BEFORE I do anything about it.