New Orleans is flooded out. We’re still at war. Gas prices continue to rise. But I want to talk about the San Diego Padres and why they are the most awesomest team in the history of sports.

“I hate baseball,” I hear you say. Yes, I heard that. I’ve hidden tiny microphones throughout your house - so think twice the next time you pass gas.

Well, hate baseball or not, you will want to read about the Padres because they are on the cusp of going into the playoffs - the ultimate place for baseball winners - with a losing record.

Keep on reading »

I can’t get fired from my job, no matter what I do.

Situation I

The Boss wants me in and I don’t call. I don’t show up. I don’t even answer his calls when he wants to know where I am.

I go in the next day and he was like, “What happened?” I told him that it was my day off and that I wasn’t coming in. Totally expecting to come home, he told me that everything was okay and that if I wanted to work with him next season he would do whatever it took to have me as a driver.

Situation II

I told him that the truck I was using Sunday sucked — the music was not working right — and that I was unable to bring in the big bucks because of it. He was a bit upset, then went to fix the problem. I told him that it wasn’t fixed, but he sent me out again. To which I made even less money today than I did Sunday.

I’ll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

This leads me to something else…

Keep on reading »

It started as a question.

Q: “You ever wonder why they don’t make tank tops in 2XL?”

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A few years ago I went to a circus and saw a bearded lady. The woman was probably a man dressed up in a woman’s moomoo. No one seemed to believe this woman was really female.

But then there was the woman I met the other night at work.

Keep on reading »

DENN — Pat Robertson, Christian and master linguist, attempted to clarify his remarks about the removal of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, claiming that they were taken out of context and that he never called for the killing of the Latin American leader.

Keep on reading »

After several years, supermodel Heidi Klum finally eats.

Luckily cameras were there to capture the rare event.

Dear Reader,

Come up with something funny.

Thanks,

John

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