2007
12.07

Well, sort of Holiday.

I. Ten Things I Can’t Eat On South Beach Phase 1

1. Cake
2. Bread
3. Rice
4. All Fruit
5. The Cookies Sitting on my Secretary’s Desk
6. Anything With Sugar
7. Yogurt
8. Booze
9. Whole Milk
10. Oatmeal

II. Ten Special Days in December

1. Hanukkah
2. Eid-Ul-Adha
3. Kwanzaa
4. Christmas
5. Pearl Harbor Day
6. Boxing Day
7. New Year’s Eve
8. Human Right’s Day
9. Christmas Eve
10. National Bicarbonate of Soda Day

III. Ten Things That Could Beat the 2007 New England Patriots

1. MRSA
2. The 2007 Patriots From a Mirror Universe
3. The 2007 Miami Dolphins – armed with tasers and jet boots
4. An act of God
5. The 2007 Baltimore Ravens, 2:00 minutes before the end of last Monday’s game
6. An Army of 1,000 Don Shula clones
7. Robert Fischer*
8. 2007 Miami Dolphins – with steam rollers, grenades and coached by Don Shula
9. Food poisoning from soup
10. Those alien insects from Starship Troopers

*at chess

IV. Ten Songs That I Can’t Find For the Life Of Me

1. “Stupid Kids” by Christmas
2. “The Legend” by Real Life
3. “I Want To Kill Everybody” by Ed Haynes
4. “Not Being in Warsaw” by Colin Newman
5. “Now I’m Talking About Now” by The Swimming Pool Q’s
6. “Chiefs of Relief” by Chiefs of Relief
7. “Fear is Never Boring” by The Bears
8. “Cherry in a Tree” by XTC
9. “Mr. And Mrs. Smack” by Eat
10. “Heroin” by Ian Brennan

V. Ten Things That Get You Put On Santa’s Naughty List

1. Setting fire to sheep
2. Sheep stealing
3. Taking a sheep to a nightclub if the sheep is underaged
4. Eating a live sheep
5. Being a wolf; dressing like a sheep
6. Hurting an animal simply because it is a sheep
7. Lamb abuse
8. Sheering a sheep, including sheering off its legs
9. Making a warm sweater from sheep entrails
10. Llama Llovin’

VI. Ten Inappropriate Pick Up Lines For Use In Church

1. I can’t fill you with the holy spirit, but here’s something else I can fill you with
2. If we do it in the confession booth, we can be absolved immediately after we’re done.
3. Get on your knees.
4. What do Priests where under their robes, Father Flannagan?
5. Want to eat of my body and drink of my blood, if you know what I’m sayin’?
6. Feel like begetting someone?
7. Nice tits, Margaret!
8. Bless me father, for I’m about to sin
9. Oh baby, lead me to temptation.
10. I pronounce you man and wife. I may now kiss the bride.

VII. Ten Muppets

1. Animal
2. Bunsen Honeydew
3. Swedish Chef
4. Gonzo’s chickens
5. Scooter
6. Crazy Harry
7. Dr. Teeth
8. Lew Zealand
9. Uncle Deadly
10. Rizzo the Rat

VIII. Ten Reasons I Haven’t Updated Here In a Month

1. Traveling during Thanksgiving week
2. Is it Wednesday already? Damn.
3. Is it Thursday already? Damn.
4. Thought writing here might have been a dream
5. Busy playing Lunar Wars
6. Busy with work
7. Busy enjoying married life
8. South Beach Phase 1 makes me antsy
9. No fingers
10. Laziness

IX. Ten Things To Look Forward to in 2008

1. Movies
2. Music
3. The Election will be over after November
4. Project Runway Season 4 Winner Will be Named
5. Writer’s Strike will end
6. Chinese food
7. More Ten Lists of Ten
8. BCS games
9. New Venture Brothers episodes
10. More terrorism

X. Ten Words That Begin With “X”

1. Xenophobe
2. Xylophone
3. X-Ray
4. Xanthous
5. Xenobiotic
6. Xerotripis
7. Xerox
8. Xytus
9. Xu
10. Xerotic

  1. you have way to much time in your hands hun. These make me giggle.

  2. You think the strike is going to end?

    Oh, and go Giants! They’re the only team that might have a real chance of knocking the Pats down… and that’s pretty sad.